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All the ink wasted, drawing hearts for him.
All the wishes wasted, wishing for him.
All the thoughts wasted, thinking of him.
All my time wasted, waiting for him.

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Depress Depression makes me stupid Depression makes me feel low Depression makes me mad Depression makes me sad Depression makes me forget world Depression makes me tensed Depression makes me lose self control Depression makes me hate everyone Depression makes me think over and over Depression makes me feel lonely Depression makes me think wild Depression makes me worthless Depression makes me sick What does Depression give me? When it runs high… It will make me Die - REST IN PEACE…

dad

i hate me dad. dont tell me not to hate him because i will. he is a terrible person who hates me just as much as ihate him. he doesnt call me and he thinks that i will never amout to anything in life. i dont even want to look at him. whenever i look at him it discusts me. im not talking to him at home and like ya. we got into a really big fight yesterday. like it was something like so stupid. like i over heated his food and like he went bezerk. i hope he dies. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. wow i havent been this mad in 4eva but w.e im gonna go now peace out.........

last night

so like last night was terrible. i have no clue y but like i started to bawl as soon as i read like an teen articale. the story was abotu likie how a girl commited suicied because of all of the bullying and shit that she went through. i read it and somehow i placed myself into her position and wondered what i would do if i was her. ugh everytime i cry ic larry inmy head. i want him out of there but like at the same time i dont u know. i cant like live with out him and teddy and me r reunited, but larry is scared of teddy. and like because of teddy, larry wont talk to me, he will only talk to yaffa of course. 

im preety pissed at yaffa i just dont know y. well i kinda do because i think that she likes Larry, i know that she likes yoni but everytime she looks at larry she has this kind of look on her face and it reads i luv u. i cant help but like everytime that she looks at him i want to kill her. i know that i luv her because like shes my friend but i dont think that i can. i luv yaffa in a friend way and i know i wouldn't do anything to harm her. but i thikn that if she talkes to larry one more i mite in front of me i think ill either kill her or me. it will most likely be her because know i wouldn't want to ruin her oh so perfect life. and honestly i would luv to c it crumble into peices..............................

im done with this crap

Ok so like I don’t know what’s going on but like gabby is just mad annoying. Ok if Ur reading this well the U DON’T CONTROL MY LIFE U DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO! It’s my choice to like who I want to like. Don’t get pissed at me ok like I mean really stop. I want u to comment on this. I hate how u always gives me a disappointed ass look like really have some fun and stop being such a downer. You can’t tell me that im a slut cause like u say to me u don’t understand me. U curse and me and yell at me and hit me if that’s who u r then fine but im not gonna be dealing with it anymore if Ur not gonna change well than fine. I won’t have a problem hanging with u and stuff but no. u act like im a stranger on the street well u know what I don’t give a shit. U say that Ur my friend but Ur afraid to come over my house and like u don’t even hang out with me unless someone else is coming. I hate it. Im like Ur backup that’s how u make me feel. Im not trying to make u feel bad but like im not gonna do this anymore. If Ur gonna stop being so grumpy well than great but if Ur not then don’t talk to me. Im not trying to be mean im just saying like please STOP! U always make me so down u don’t like to be touched and like it’s annoying ok. U get me so mad. U don’t say bye to me psshh well u know what I don’t need ur bye. So I dare u, post a comment. Post the meanest one u can expressing ur feelings but remember unless that comment says fine ill change a little and be a little more open to u guys well then u know it’s not gonna change everything.

Chapter 2

    So I never thought that I could be loved by anybody in my entire life. I thought that everyone would keep thinking me as a misfit and an outcast. I also was afraid to love because I thought that if I told the person how I felt than I would be rejected. That all changed when I met Larry brodetski, (I think that’s how u spell his name I’m not sure.) but anyway, It began in the beginning of 7^th grade. I met Larry through Yaffa, they are very close friends. I never felt this way about anyone ever before. Then we went out but Larry has a very bad quality about him, he always takes his idiotic friends side. So a week or two after we have been going out his friends told him to dump me because they didn’t like me and he kept saying no but eventually he caved in. he broke up with me by text. I couldn’t believe it I hated him at that time but I the same time I knew that I couldn’t really hate him. I still love him I just can’t bring myself to tell him. I know that he doesn’t like me so I’m always upset about that. I try to focus my mind and my heart on somebody else but it keeps on coming back to him. Every time I see him it’s brutal because I know that we could never be that he would always care more about his friends than he ever will about me. I love him and I can’t stop. The reasons that I’m not well u know dead yet, is because every time that I try to end it he comes up in my head. I can’t be without him. I can’t stand not at least looking at him at least once a day. And every time I cry I picture him in my head as if it’s his fault. Well I don’t know what to do. For now I guess I have to pray and hope……………

the first few chapter of my life

     I was never liked as a child. In fact I still don’t feel loved by anybody not even my friends or even my family. People always rejected me and as soon as i got close to someone they always ran away from me. I don’t know what I do to make them run away from me. People think that I’m like crazy, but really people just don’t get that I’m a misunderstood person. People don’t get my life. They really don’t understand why I am the way I am. They are too fast to judge me before they get to know me. They automatically know who I am a how I act.

     Some people don’t understand what it’s like to be truly loved. People never really showed me that type of affection. Some they jerk actually don’t like me that much that they take it to a totally different level. For the past week or two, people have been sending me hate massages. Most of them are things like “bitch I hate you I hope u die in your sleep” and I have no idea why but I save those messages and every day when I’m alone I play them over and over again. I have such a miserable life that I want to just die. Every day when I come home from school I go on my bed and cry. I do it so often that it has become a daily routine. I feel like my life is slowly crumbling down and the thing is that I’m only in 7^th grade. I should not be dealing with this. I almost committed suicide because of all the hate that I have gotten.

     I have gotten so self-conscience about myself. I’m the ugliest one in my family. My parent’s barley knows that I’m alive. I sit at home alone thinking of what I can do to fix myself, to make people like me but sadly it never ever changes. In my entire 7^th grade year there has not been not one day where I have cried in some point of my day. Usually it is about things from school. Now each and one of my friends are slowly turning on me. I will soon have nobody else to rely on except myself. I want to just end it. Like done gone, bye. But somehow I can never ring myself to it no matter how much I wanted to. Something always got in that way. I either think about my family and/or who will miss me if I’m gone. One day ill does it I promise……………

bitches........

so back to the tears for me. i spent the entire day and night jsut crying about such stupid things. i mean like really people r just so inconsiderate and like so many people r just idiots. there is this racist inconsiderate bastard named teddy and i wish that he dies and burns in hell. so i was chilling was hannah today and like im like a block away from  halsey and that bitch decides to wave bye to me and yell out slut. and like gabby heard it i think and like she didnt do anything about it. but i dont blam her anyway i luv her. and besides i dont even think that she heard it. also there is this dickhead named yoni who is such a jerk off. he thinks that he can convince anybody to do anything that he wants. he was talking to larry <3 and dickhead teddy. and like he said that if they EVER talk to me yaffa or daniela again they wont be friends with them and im like wtf u cant choose spmebodys friends. i hate them they all agreed to it. but like larry secretly broke it by talking to yaffa. and idk what to because istill luv larry and idk what i would do if we never talked again. i almost commited suicid the first time that we broke up id think that i can handle it again. he didnt even hug me today and that reeks man . blahhhhhhhhh i hate this so much. i only told this to yaffa and then we were like both crying and i just hate all of this. nobody likes me and like my friends cant even name 3 people who are in my class and r my friends. god i want this all to end. if i had a choice between life and death i think that i would choose deaath...............

im not even gonna edit this entr. im goin to make it colorful and thats  about it so ya deal with it. and also i luv him but what do i do!!! GIVE ME ADVICE!!!!!!!